Putting It Out Into the Universe
Where the path of the wind
Crosses that of the stars.
Camino de Santiago
As much as I had the answer to my prayers confirmed the other day, I still haven’t embraced its message.
I still struggle with whether I am doing the right thing for Jess.
It is late in the evening. I am watching a recorded episode of “Chicago Med.”
A doctor has just learned that his terminally ill patient, who is in a clinical trial, has been receiving a placebo instead of the promising clinical trial drug.
He realizes, she surely will die.
He is distraught.
He is so distraught that he wants to interfere with the trial. He wants to intervene and illegally switch out the placebo his client is getting and replace it with the promising clinical trial drug.
He rationalizes to himself that saving a life is worth the risk of losing his medical license. Wasn’t that what he is supposed to do, save lives?
He confides in a friend and lets him know his intentions.
His friend talks him out of interfering with the integrity of the clinical trial.
The doctor finally resigns himself not to interfere with the integrity of the clinical trial; knowing his decision will ultimately lead to his patient’s demise.
After coming to terms with his decision and acknowledging the strings he had to pull to get his patient into the trial, and the hope it gave her after she learned that she was accepted, he says,
“It was all for nothing.”
And his friend responds,
“I think if we care, then, whatever happens, it’s for something. We might not see the effect but it goes out there and it circulates around in the universe. It makes us all a little better. “
Then it dawns on me.
All I can do is to fight like the wrestler who was unwilling to be pinned and to put my struggle out there into the universe.
It is up to the universe to circulate it around for it to reach its intended destination.
It will get there.
I believe that.
Maybe, by sharing my struggle with the world will help someone else with their struggle and help them on their journey.
Often, I look back in retrospect to understand what I originally thought was part of my journey actually was my role in helping someone else in their journey.
As I stated before, it is hard to understand which is happening, when.
I know one thing, though, if the universe has given Jess the placebo in her recovery, the care and love which has been created has been cast off into the universe and is circulating around, making someone feel a little better.
And that is something.
I have come to understand my struggle is not only for me.
More good, than bad to come from my journey.
That is the mission.
This is a sample chapter from the soon to be released book:
Divinely Orchestrated Chaos
Divinely Orchestrated Chaos
is the 4th book in the “Every Breath is Gold” Memoir Series.